Dear readers, it has come to our attention that ‘The Shackler’ (aka ‘Le Weeble’) has boarded the Orient Express in order to assassinate the Lady that shall not be mentioned (aka ‘the Red Balaklava’). ‘The Swimmer’ has already gone missing and we fear for his well being. The last we heard he was sharing a copy of ‘Buoys Ahoy’ with ‘The Sleeper’. Our undercover operative has searched the docks and penetrated ‘The Sailor’s Return’ in order to extract some information about the whereabouts of ‘The Swimmer’ and his left-handed operations. He was last seen playing tennis for ‘la équipe rosé’ in a Paris gay bar called ‘Amsterdamned’.
We are aware of ‘The Sleepers’ mole in Thailand. The ‘he/she’ has had to sink deep into the secretive underworld of ‘The push me pull you’s’ in order to decide which side of the fence to come down on. In fact he is always coming down hard on some unsuspecting operative forcing them to employ a bi-polar four-way adapter
‘Vlad the Impaler’ had a rendezvous with ‘Viscous Victoria’ and ended up on top of ‘The Shackler’ covered in double hamams and ice-cream with very sweaty betties. We are assured it was not a pretty sight.
This report comes on us via a deep mole in the former KGB, the idenity of whom must remain secret as SPECTRE may go down on them hard, and produce an unwanted and sticky end
Tags: 007, agent, Amsterdam, assassin, docks, gay bar, love, orient express, sailor, sailors, secret, undercover
